Funny how we doubt ourselves, second guess ourselves and keep putting off doing something we feel or know is right for us – especially when we need to involve other people, including our partners.
We have preconceived ideas about what we think others are going to say or how they will react. We believe that it will all be negative. We believe they won’t ‘allow’ us to do it or that they won’t think it is worthwhile or a good idea.
At times we talk ourselves out of our dreams and pursuits before we even mention it to others.
Is it because we don’t actually, really want these things?
Is it because we have been given ‘chances’ in the past and blown them or haven’t seen them through so we get too scared to ask again in fear of rejection?
Is it because we haven’t really known what we wanted and we were just clutching at straws in the past?
Were we only doing things in the past to shut others up and to please them?
Is it ego raising its head again telling us that we can’t do it?
Whatever reasons have been for the past not coming to fruition shouldn’t have a bearing on what we want to do or will do in the future in regards to new dreams and ideas and them being seen to completion.
Events of our past have helped shape the person we are today.
Events of our past have given us results, whether we liked them or not, that have helped us to form ideas, suggestions and plans or have planted seeds about what we want for our future.
I don’t think there should be a set number of times or limits applied for anything we dream of.
I don’t think that if events haven’t worked out for us in the past that we shouldn’t keep trying in the future.
I don’t think that if we have been told ‘no’ or have been stopped before that we should be idle now and forever.
I believe we should all be striving towards something.
I also believe that we have the right to change what we are striving for if it is not a correct fit for us or working out in the way be believed it would.
I’m not saying to chuck in whatever is not working each and every time, but I am saying to give everything you do a decent go and then when you know it is definitely not a right fit, to change it.
Going back to where this all started, the doubting and second guessing ourselves when speaking to others about something we want, it can sometimes take great courage and determination. At times it seems like our hands are bound and it can be a difficult task to do. Sometimes we have time up our sleeves so we have the time to think through our options and sometimes we just grab hold of the first opportunity available to us and just blurt everything out in hast. Whatever is your case, it really doesn’t matter. You need to be heard and to put your proposal across.
However, when it does come time to speak up and speak out to others:
~ I have always found it so much easier when I am confident about what it is exactly that I want to be doing.
~ It helps when I can express myself clearly.
~ It helps when I know exactly what it is I want and how I may be able to make it work out.
~ It can also help if I can explain it to those around me, letting them know how it will impact them and what their role or involvement will be moving forward.
When the time is taken to think through your idea, when the idea can be put forward with clarity and thought, when considered answers can be given to questions asked, the whole process can go a lot smoother than you anticipate.
Now, I’m not saying that everyone will be agreeable with you or that you will get the outcome you are looking for.
What I am saying is that:
You have to believe in yourself.
You have to stand up for yourself and your ideas.
You have to put your ideas forward, even if you get shot down in flames – yet again.
If the people around you know anything about you or truly care about you, they may have seen the changes you want to make coming and they may be more accommodating than you first thought.
Sometimes the answer or result you were hoping for may come a few days or weeks later once the idea has taken hold for those involved. They might need the time and space to ask more questions and get clarity too. They might also be testing you to make sure it is something you truly want.
Sometimes it is the right idea for you, but timing is just not right. If this is the case, there are usually other avenues and measures that can be taken to achieve whatever it is you are thinking about. You can read books, do research, look for other options and just keep working towards your outcome in a more roundabout way. When the timing is right, the pieces will fall into place and everything else you have done along the way will reveal themselves to be relevant and helpful.
But, sadly, at other times the outcome we hoped for just won’t be realised.
This is the point where you need to be sure about what it is exactly that you want and how badly you want it. It can sometimes mean that those around you are not in alignment with where you are at and drastic changes need to be made so you can surrounded yourself with others that are more supportive and encouraging of your dreams.
Do you really want this change, this new something?
Are you just clutching at straws?
Are you just wanting change for the sake of change?
Are you avoiding some other important aspect of your life?
Will you just be moving from one not so good aspect to another?
Is it a burning desire or just the latest whim that will fade with time?
Generally we know in ourselves which is which.
When we keep plugging away at it because we have that persistent feeling that won’t give up or leave us alone.
When we have a feeling, a knowing.
When things just seem to fall in place for us as if a path is being laid down in front of us.
That is when you don’t give up and don’t give in.
What happens when we speak up about what we want to be doing and it doesn’t turn out the way we hoped?
We get angry and frustrated.
But, we also get angry and frustrated when we sit silent and don’t let others know how we are feeling and what are dreams are anyway.
So then, should you speak up about what’s on your mind or not?
That is entirely up to you. Naturally we would all like to hear the answer we are seeking, but when asking and putting our dream or case across we have to be prepared to hear the opposite of what we want to hear too.
You may even need to hear the knock back to give you other options and ideas you haven’t thought about which may be of benefit to you. Sometimes when you meet resistance from others it may be because they aren’t sure what it will mean for them personally. How it impacts them. It could also mean they aren’t on the same journey path that you are on. You could’ve already possibly known this before you put your voice forward.
Whenever you do decide to have your voice heard, be prepared to listen and take on board any comments you receive back. There could be important tips and advice you could learn from to propel you forward. Just be prepared either way.